Daughters

"A Mother's Prayer"
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

My daughters and I just finished watching Mamma Mia. What a blast – though Pierce Brosnan should definitely not give up his day job to take up singing. Meryl Streep on the other hand...

Finally, is our society finally letting women of “a certain age” be foxy, sexy, powerful? Maybe it’s just because the vast majority of society is now in its late 40s to early 60s, so it’s now okay to admit aging.

All I can say is: I wanna be Meryl Streep when I grow up.

Mamma Mia is pretty cheesy and certainly won’t go down in the annals as a great movie, but it was a fun watch. And my daughters, I think, sat there somewhat amazed at the antics of mature women ... and impressed. I myself loved the scenes where mom and daughter are getting ready for the wedding – cuddling and just being together.
I think the acceptance and the “it’s okay to be as you are” that each gave the other is one of the things I’d like to give my daughters.

I was recently talking with a friend who is in the middle of a pretty big hell with teenaged daughters in emotional crises and rebellion. Somehow, I think she and her husband feel overwhelmed and surrounded by a tide of failing families. Yet, she still has hope they’ll all come through it in the end. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone lived in the world of movie musicals...

I hope I give my daughters a strong sense of family, and a strong sense of themselves. Allow them to make their mistakes, but be there when they need to come home.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where – ” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice add as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Okay, I think I’m back to the theme of my first post ... which way from here.

One of the first things I bought myself when I started living away from home was a poster featuring the picture of the Cheshire Cat grinning down at Alice from a tree, with the text above printed alongside. It’s hung in the living-room space of every one of my abodes since, though now it graces my family’s TV room.

I glance at it frequently and now that I’m well into middle age, I realize I still haven’t figured out where I want to go.

There I was today, all but haranguing my fifteen-year-old daughter about making some decisions about the direction of her life... but there sat I thirty-six years her senior with no clearer idea of “what I want to be when I grow up” than she does.

Once again, I find myself out of one groove and not sure where I want to go for the next one. Fear rules; and now with so little time left, really, to get somewhere, I’m all but petrified (in the sense of being locked to the spot) about making a choice.

Maybe I just haven’t walked long enough yet ....

On being the wife of a soldier...

In my salad days, I blithely believed that here in peaceful Canada we had no need of an armed force, or to spend the money on maintaining one. Let’s spend it on education, health care, social welfare was my battle cry (still not bad ways to spend tax money!).

Then somehow, at the constant urging of a friend, I became involved with a passionate group of retired, serving, and civilian members of the ceremonial cavalry squadron of the Governor General’s Horse Guards. I protested long and hard: I didn’t support the armed forces and “why would I want to hang around a bunch of old guys on horses?” said I.

Ha. It turns out that it wasn’t just a group of old guys – there were young ones, too. And women... and the children of those old guys, young guys, and women. One of those “young guys” was a certain master corporal, soon to be sergeant ... soon to be husband.

Almost 20 years and two children later, I find myself neck deep in all things military. Times and beliefs have not only changed for me, though. Many, many Canadians now realize that we have no choice but to provide for a strong military force, if we wish to maintain not only our country and way of life, and to help “keep the peace,” but to remind and reinforce to those who would threaten it, that we can stand up for ourselves.

Fighting words, but in many ways I’d give anything to get that innocence of 20 years ago back. Who would have believed 20 years ago that part of our national highway would be renamed the “Highway of Heroes” in honour of those who have given their lives on behalf of this country... in the last five or so years!

As a reservist, my husband did not have to head off to Bosnia, or, now, to Afghanistan. Although I wonder how long it will be before he cannot resist the lure of putting his years of training and experience to the test, instead of training the young recruits.

Even without heading overseas, my daughters and I have given up most weekends as a family so my husband could train and serve. Family vacations, what are those? Those are training times when hubby/dad travels to Meaford, or “Pet”, or even Gagetown. Still, he is who he is and we love and support him and the values, traditions, beliefs he and his fellow soldiers maintain and support every year, every day, every hour. But, I fear that those who cannot understand peace will take him away, along with many others.

What will this world be like as my daughters become adults? I echo the prayer from Ann Weems:

I NO LONGER PRAY FOR PEACE
On the edge of war, one foot already in,
I no longer pray for peace:
I pray for miracles.

I pray that stone hearts will turnto tender heartedness,
and evil intentions will turn
to mercifulness,
and all the soldiers already deployed
will be snatched out of harm's way,
and the whole world will be astounded onto its knees.

I pray that all the "God talk” will take bones,
and stand up and shed its cloak of faithlessness,
and walk again in its powerful truth.

I pray that the whole world might
sit down together and share
its bread and its wine.

Some say there is no hope, but then I've always applauded the holy fools
who never seem to give up on
the scandalousness of our faith:
that we are loved by God...
that we can truly love one another.

I no longer pray for peace:
I pray for miracles.

Ann Weems
Ash Wednesday,
March 5, 2003

Faith, strength and incredible writing

A few weeks ago, a friend introduced me to the poetry of Ann Weems. Here are the first few lines of “Yesterday’s Pain”...

In the godforsaken, obscene quicksand of life,
there is a deafening alleluia
rising from the souls of those who weep,
and of those who weep with those who weep.

...brings tears to my eyes...

Weems says more in 30 words than most of us can in 1500. The wife of a Presbyterian minister, she lost her only son, who was murdered the day after his 21st birthday. Such a senseless tragedy and yet somehow this strong woman has not only kept her faith strong but celebrates it through her poetry. She is one of my heroes.

Where are all the business women?

The Canadian Business Hall of Fame has chosen its inductees for 2009 – this year, there appears to be a woman included in the six prestigious group – Mrs. de Gaspé-Beaubien accompanies her husband into the hall of fame. Although there were four women on the selection committee, there still seems to be a dearth of women represented not only in nomination process, but among the ranks of hall of famers period. With this new batch of inductees, I count three ...

I wrote this for a Workplace magazine in December 2007, and, unfortunately, it still seems to apply.
The Canadian Business Hall of Fame (CBHOF) recently announced its 2008 laureate inductees – six prominent business leaders “recognized for their business excellence and honoured for their outstanding business achievements and enduring contributions to Canadian society.” This year’s laureates are three Irvings (Arthur, Jack and J.K.), John McCaig (Trimac), Serge Godin (CGI Group) and John Cleghorn (Royal Bank), but there isn’t a single woman listed.

The next press release across my desk noted that women comprise only 28 per cent of the total IT work force in Canada. Why, the release asks, do woman continue to ignore IT positions? Is it fear of a closed boys’ club, skill capabilities or simply a lack of awareness?

It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that much of what’s preventing women from pursuing top roles is, in fact, awareness – or, more precisely, the lack of it – about Canada’s women executives. According to a study conducted by Rosenzweig & Company in early 2007, the number of women heading Canada’s 100 biggest publicly traded companies had tripled … to three! And, there are just two women listed among the 150 CBHOF laureates – Sonja Bata and Muriel S. Richardson, both wives of successful men.

But, that doesn’t mean there aren’t strong women out there filling top roles. Each year, Profit magazine accepts nominations and publishes a list of Canada’s Top Women Entrepreneurs. All the companies on the 2007 list have revenues of over eight million dollars; heading the 2007 list are Rebecca MacDonald, of Energy Savings Income Fund ($1.5 billion), Gabrielle Chevalier, of Solutions 2 GO Inc. ($270 million), and Madeleine Paquin, of Logistec Corp ($217 million).

That list doesn’t even take into account other high profile, high performing business women, such as Kathy Sendall (PetroCan), Barbara Stymiest (RBC), Heather Reisman (Indigo Books & Music), Nancy Southern (ATCO), Martha Billes (Canadian Tire) or Eva Lee Kwok (Amara).

It’s easy enough to blame the “old boys club” mentality for this lack of profile. But, let’s face it, that club is rapidly losing members. Maybe time and attrition will gradually see women filling those spaces – after all, the oldest woman on the above list is Eva Lee Kwok, who is just 64. Yet, for some reason, these women are not recognized as mentors for younger women coming up the ranks. When I asked my teenaged daughters who were the women they looked up to, they couldn’t think of a living, prominent woman to name.

A telling story revolves around the woman who headed the National Post’s 50 Top Business Women in Canada list in 2002 – Eleanor Clitheroe. You may remember Clitheroe as the beleaguered CEO of Hydro One, who was abruptly fired by the Ernie Eaves’ (Conservative) government as being overpaid and for breaching her fiduciary trust.

Many on Hydro One’s board, as well as others involved at the time, supported Clitheroe, saying her salary was lower than many CEOs in comparable positions. However, she was slammed by the media, other women executives, and the government alike, leading Sir Graham Day, former chair of Cadbury Schweppes who was involved in the Hydro One privatization scheme, which Clitheroe was overseeing at the time, to remark, “If Eleanor was a man, it might have been different. If she had been ugly, it might have been different. But she is relatively young, attractive, well-groomed, articulate and female, so I have to think the media saw it as, wow, what a juicy story. It saddens me that other women were not prepared to stand up for one of their own.”

Clitheroe has since left the business world to become an Anglican minister, and has launched a lawsuit against Hydro One.

What we women need to take away from the story, though, is that women still haven’t gotten together to celebrate our leaders and provide the support group – the “old girls club” if you will – that men have relied on so faithfully. PetroCan’s Kathy Sendall notes that women have a hard time celebrating their own and other women’s successes. She encourages us to think about, “The disservice we do all women when we fail to graciously accept recognition and celebrate our accomplishments.”

Pushmi-Pullyu

Do you remember that strange beast from Dr. Doolittle movie (the original one from the 60s with Rex Harrison) -- the llama-like beastie with a head at both ends? This poor creature could never tell which way was a step forward, nor which was a step back. In fact, taking steps at all in any direction was a major event. There are many, too many, days when I can relate to the Pushmi-Pullyu only too well.

How does one know which way to go? Is a step in this direction the one that will lead somewhere new or interesting, or is it one that just takes the safe route, the one that didn't lead anywhere? If you think about it too much, of course, you never get anywhere at all.

So, today I embark on a path - forward, I hope - testing myself to see if I can write something like a blog in a consistent manner. Maybe if I can keep it up. I'll get that novel that's hovering in the back of my head actually written, too.

Why the name "lance and quill"? Funny you should ask because, like the pushmi-pullyu, it represents two ways of going. The saying goes, "the pen is mightier than the sword", but in my world the quill (pen/computer) may not prove to be mightier than the lance, which for me symbolizes my life as a horsewoman, riding coach, member of a ceremonial cavalry squadron.

One career path has just more or less ended -- that of a business-to-business magazine editor. It's hard to imagine in these "tough economic times" (gawd I hate that phrase), but I wonder what other paths might be in front of me to explore ....